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Life & Style
Mar 7 2013 4:40PM
 
The pros and cons of dating a divorcee
What one needs to be aware of while being in a relationship with someone who has experienced broken marriage. Picture: AFP
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Here's looking at what one needs to be aware of while being in a relationship with someone who has experienced broken marriage(s).

It's not easy to start afresh after a broken marriage, especially because of the emotional baggage you may carry into a new relationship. The question is, "How much of your baggage can a partner deal with?"

The fact that you're smitten by a man/woman who had once tied the knot — and later untied it — can be extremely unnerving. No matter why a marriage failed, the society, unfortunately, is not very kind to 'divorcees'. They are looked down upon, especially when stepping into the dating arena again. So, if you're dating a divorcee, here are a few pointers to keep in mind.

The Pros:


Will not be frivolous:
Dating may be a serious deal for a divorcee. He/she will not want to jump into a relationship just for the sake of it (unless he/she's a player and that's the reason for the divorce).

Will be realistic:
We all know that compromises are inevitable in a marriage. And if he/she has already been with someone, chances are they will not expect the relationship to be unrealistically fancy.

Commitment: No matter why their previous relationship didn't work, you know for sure that the person is not commitment-phobic. But this could be a problem, too (discussed later).

Past experience: A relationship, good or bad, teaches way too many lessons in life and helps nurture future relationships. Since your potential partner is experienced, chances are he/she will be mature enough to deal with the current relationship, too.

The cons


Commitment phobia:
Here's another way to look at what was discussed above. The bitterness of the past may trigger a fear of commitment in him/her. Chances are, it may take quite a while and too much convincing to get them to commit again.

Past memories:
Marriage is an important aspect of life and no matter how much you deny it, you know your partner will still have strings of their past attached.

Responsibility:
Remember, a divorcee will have a lot to deal with post divorce. So, be sure you are willing to share responsibilities and be supportive at every step.

Emotionally unpredictable:
Divorces are traumatic and your potential partner may have been through a great deal of emotional stress. It may haunt them from time to time, which you will have to take care of. If you're unable to help them, maybe you're not ready for the relationship.

Remember these facts

-Before you jump into anything serious, make sure your partner is not a recent divorcee.

-Date them casually before you take the final plunge.

-Get to know the real story; about their past, what went wrong, about children if any.

-Find out the other side of the story. You don't want to be trapped with the wrong person, right?

-Be frank, talk out your inhibitions and ask questions that bother you.

This article is from the Times of India website

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