Clayton Swanepoel

In case you’re still not au fait with the fundamentals of basic grooming, here’s our list of rules to live by

Hair
When it comes to your crowning glory, you really should maintain those locks. At the very least, your hair should always be clean. No one likes interacting with a person whose mop looks greasy enough to fry an egg on. So wash it regularly – at least two or three times a week.

For those who suffer from dandruff, it’s not the end of the world. Experiment with the products available for the condition and find something that solves the problem.

Ladies, if you have stringy, dull hair, you’re not using the right products. Hair products are specifically formulated for different kinds of hair. For example, shampoo for curly hair would make fine and thin hair look limp and flat. Identify what kind you have and find products suited to it.

Ladies should visit the salon every two to three months, depending on whether they have coloured hair and what style they’re wearing. It’s important for long hair to have the dead ends cut off – otherwise hair tends to take on a scruffy, unkempt appearance.

Guys, if you’re balding, never attempt a comb-over, toupée or any other solution pretending to be a full head of hair. It looks tacky. You’re better off shaving your whole head – it looks better and won’t have people at the office giggling behind your back.

If you’re not balding, then you should keep your hair neat and tidy with a regular cut every 3-4 weeks.

Guys, if you’ve opted for a beard, ensure that it is kept trimmed and neat. the longer you let it grow wild, the more likely you are to get it into messy food-related situations, which – if you’re out to dinner and your beard falls into your garlic snails – is not a good vibe for anyone. Sideburns should remain short rather than long, lamb chops on the side of your head look a bit too retro – and not in a good way.

When it comes to eyebrows, a middle-of-the-line approach is necessary. Ladies shouldn’t pluck it all out and guys shouldn’t let it grow too wild. Unibrows are a no-no all round, so if you have one, get plucking.

Nails
For guys, the rules regarding nail grooming are simple. Keep them clean, short and push those cuticles back. Also, be man enough to go for a manicure once a month or at least once every two months – it saves you from faffing with your nails weekly and, for swallowing your pride for one hour, you get a hand massage.

Ladies, your nails need a different approach. What’s most important to remember for ladies is that less is generally more when it comes to nails. Emo popstar Lana Del Rey might be able to pull off pointed devil nails, but we’re pretty sure it won’t look cool anywhere other than a magazine cover.

If you’re going for long nails, keep them below 1.5cm long. Anything longer will likely injure someone or break anyway.

Nail colour has seen a revitalised craziness over the last year, with innovations in nail colours and applications. All bets are off for the time being, but know that putting studs, loops, diamante and all their over-the-top friends onto your claws will give people a certain impression of you. That impression might not get you the job, the boyfriend or the personal finance. Just saying.

The classiest bet for nails is one colour, or a simple French manicure.

Teeth
When it comes to teeth, it’s of the utmost importance that you brush your pearly whites twice a day and floss at least once a day.

Dentists put the fear of god into most people, but if you visit your dentist at least once a year for a check-up, you’re likely to catch all dental issues before they need urgent and painful measures to rectify.

Skin
If your facial routine is limited to a plain old bar of soap and a face cloth, then you should stop reading and go buy some facewash already.

The reason you need a specialised soap for your face has to do with the pH of soap and the type of skin on your face. The pH of regular soap is generally too high for the thin, sensitive skin on our faces. Using regular soap on your face will dry your skin out and leave you feeling tighter than a pair of skinny jeans on Beth Ditto.

A good skincare routine should happen twice a day and involve a good face wash, toner and moisturiser. Sounds like a load of faffing, but it’s worth it in the long run.

Make-up should never be over the top, ladies. Keep it simple and natural during the day with some daring moves at night. If you are going bold with one area of the face, tone down the other areas. So if you’re wearing a bright red lipstick, then a smokey eye might make you look a little cheap or like an objectified model pretending to play an instrument in a Robert Palmer video.

Smells
When it comes to smelling good, the rules are simple. Deodorant is a must; no one likes the smell of stale sweat. So use a good roll-on or antiperspirant spray in the morning and refresh later if needed.

The rules about cologne and perfume are simple too. Less is definitely more in this department.

My mom taught me an important rule about these: only put enough on so that when someone comes near you, they want to come in for another smell.

Don’t overdo it, no one wants to smell you coming before you’re even close to them. Ladies have a little more freedom with this rule, but should still be cautious about going crazy with the perfume.